A fairy-tale come true

A royal spring wedding is coming. The frenzy has just started and articles about Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have inundated the internet even before their engagement was officially announced. I am one among millions of fans who eagerly read articles that came my way. Whilst many anticipate the wedding day with much gusto, excited to have a glimpse of the bridal gown and all, I am more excited about what Meghan –an advocate of many good things—can do as a princess.

I am a recent Suits fan. I’ve only watched the series few months ago. I’ve read articles about Prince Harry dating a Meghan Markle but didn’t care one bit until I realised the lady he was dating was Rachel Zane of Suits! I was all eyes since then. Being a law student, Rachel Zane inspired me in several ways which made the person behind the character interesting for me too so I started reading about Meghan and found that she is more amazing than Rachel Zane. My politics is aligned with hers – at least from what I’ve read thus far.

She is a feminist, humanitarian advocate and actively voices out issues facing the marginalized communities. Her experiences growing up as a mixed-race woman, having a black mother, and living in a white supremacist society obviously helped shape her consciousness as an advocate but it was her choice to use her standing in society to raise awareness and take action against social issues that made me admire her. I’d like to believe that her advocacy will not change once she becomes a princess but rather, the new role will provide her with better opportunities to continue her advocacy.

On a side note, the upcoming royal wedding undeniably made me nostalgic of the time I spent in London. I was volunteering with Voluntary Service Overseas (VSO) for three months in Newham, London in 2008. The experience though short opened my eyes to a different reality. I grew up thinking that rich countries like the UK don’t have to face problems experienced by third-world countries like the Philippines. This notion changed when I saw a beggar sleeping on the street in winter. And I’ve seen the same in Sweden too.

We were also told to not stay at the park late because some African volunteers in another community were assaulted by a ‘white gang’ of young people. I’ve met a refugee from Afghanistan who barely spoke English and was all by himself in London. We may have struggled with language but I did understand that he was missing his family so much.

We had one activity where we were to identify social problems in the UK and our British counterparts shared that neighbours barely talk or know each other; a stark contrast in the Philippines where everybody knows everybody even those from different towns. There was a need to get people to talk and inculcate that sense of community – at least in London. There were various youth centres available in Newham alone that catered to the needs of young people but not many youth came. Instead, you’d read articles about them getting into a fight or involved with drugs.

Every nation face problems unique to its society and culture but in the grand scheme of things, nations have more similarities than differences. Globalization and the increasing technological advances rapidly blur borders. Problems faced by one country likewise pose a set of complex problems to its neighbours and even those at a distance geographically. Now more than ever, there is a need to catalyse global citizenship and encourage cooperation among advocates. And this is the reason I am thrilled that Meghan Markle is going to enter the royal institution –the British monarchy at that. I hope she will become a unifying figure in our continuous battle for a better world. Her love life may be one we can call a fairy-tale come true –a modern Cinderella—but I hope that her story won’t end at the wedding like most fairy tales do but rather open a new chapter of a princess working hard to save lives and the Mother Earth.

Spontaneity led me to an unforgettable adventure

It was a day just like any other day that had gone by except that I woke up later than usual because I was on leave from work. I’ve spent the past days on meditation at a forest monastery and other me-time which comprised mostly of cleaning and organising my room whilst also doing some internal cleansing. I have four more days left before I go back to work and I had no idea what to do with those remaining days. It was during those bored moments that my impulsiveness struck again because the next thing I know, I was in a train going to Aranyaprathet where I’d cross the border to Cambodia.

The decision to travel to Siem Reap didn’t involve so much fuss. I just got up from bed, scroll on my Facebook newsfeed, and exclaimed “I’m going to Cambodia!” I didn’t see any Cambodia-related posts on Facebook. I just thought Cambodia is the nearest I could travel given that I only have four days to spend. All I did was check what time the train leaves from Bangkok to Aranyaprathet, packed and headed to the station. I was literally backpacking contrary to most of my travels which involved dragging a stroller to the airport, a pre-arranged pick-up and a booking to some five-star hotels. The change was a breath of fresh air. I was ecstatic!

It was the first time I travelled without doing any research. I didn’t know where I’d stay, how do I actually get to Siem Reap or how much it would all cost me. I just sat at the train and enjoyed the scenery. I’ve always loved long train rides. It gives me the chance to just live in the moment and soaked it all in, the scenery, the sounds, the smell of places we passed by.

We arrived in Aranyaprathet at about 5PM. I asked someone how to get to the border but I was having a hard time getting a ride. I was also concerned that evening was approaching and I didn’t know if there are places for me to stay for the night on the other side of the border. I decided to spend the night in Aranyaprathet instead. I found a place which only cost THB200 (approx. USD 6) though they didn’t have air-conditioning but at least there was an electric fan. I dropped by backpack, took a shower and went for a walk around town to explore and find dinner. I liked it in the province with its slow-paced lifestyle in stark contrast with Bangkok.

I was going to take the bus to Siem Reap but I met two travellers, an Italian guy and Argentinian lady, who were also going there so we hired a cab instead and paid 20 US dollars each. Since I didn’t know yet where I’d stay, I got off with them and walked through the streets to find accommodations too cheap that you’d never find them on the internet. I found one at the end of the street from where my two companions were staying –their place has been booked up—and got a room to myself for only $10 a night.

I rented a bike that cost only $1 a day and spent the afternoon and evening exploring Siem Reap with it. I was extremely scared whenever I went on a busy street because I’ve never ridden a bike in a long time. But I was determined to overcome my fear so I went on. When I got tired of roaming around, I found a cozy place to drink and people-watch before I headed to the evening market.

The next day I explored Angkor Wat Complex by bike and spent only $1 as compared to the $10 tuktuk. If you’ve ever been around Angkor Wat Complex, you’d know how crazy it is to bike your way around with all the muscle pains afterwards because it is so huge! Still, I had so much fun exploring it by bike because I could enjoy the scenery better and it made me feel more attuned with nature. The second time I went was with colleagues, we had our tour guide provided by the Parliament and a comfortable ride but the experience was nothing compared to the fun I had with my bike.

I’ve always been fascinated with ruins and the nostalgic feeling I get when around them. And by nostalgic I meant that feeling of deeper connection with the past, the wisdom that ruins exude and the amazement at the sight of a masterpiece. I was particularly thrilled to visit the spot where they shoot the film Tomb Raider in Ta Prohm.

My most adventurous experience though happened on the way back. It started raining and there was no sign of it ever stopping. I was concerned because I have my passport and DSRL camera in my backpack but if I would wait for the rain to stop, it may not stop until dusk. I placed my passport inside the camera bag and wrapped the bag with the scarf and placed it at the bottom of my backpack. I then stacked the chips and souvenirs on top, hoping heavens that the bottom part will remain dry. I pedaled and stopped to rest then pedaled my way back for almost two hours before I reached my accommodation.

I was exhausted. I can no longer feel my legs. But I was extremely happy. For some reason, the experience felt extremely liberating. My passport was safe. My camera got a little wet. The rest of my bag was wet but I didn’t care. I was happy and I never felt as alive in a long time. I took a long warm bath and took some rest before I headed out to have dinner and hopped in the bus that left Siem Reap at midnight and brought me back to Bangkok before lunch the next day.

One of the best things about traveling unprepared is that you are forced to talk to people. I was thrilled at the idea of letting things unfold without giving much thought into its preparations but I was more thrilled to be interacting with people. Humanity is indeed full of kindness if you open your eyes to it and especially when you are a stranger at the receiving end of another stranger’s benevolence.

My spontaneous Siem Reap trip was one of my most unforgettable experiences. I didn’t spend time planning it so there were no unfulfilled expectations, no overthinking or what have you. It was all spontaneous and because of that, it was filled with surprises.

Let your soul take refuge

The last few days have been extra challenging for me. I’ve had 8AM-8PM classes that left me exhausted. I am sick with cough and cold. My head feels like I’m carrying an extra pound between my shoulders. Yet, I had to drag myself and go to school.

There have been some internal chaos as well. My sense of compassion has been put to test but leaned towards failing. Such internal battle, more than anything, left me paralyzed I ended up wasting precious time which I should have devoted to studying for next week’s final exams.

In my hopes to catch up with studies, I came to this coffee shop early. I’d probably be here for the rest of the day. The café just opened. I am their first customer. When I entered, I was greeted by worship songs so familiar every beat of my heart knows the lyrics. After giving my order, I sat in a corner and just let the music soothe my soul.

I am not an atheist because I still believe in a power greater than anything that’s holding up the universe. However, for several years now I stopped associating myself with any religion though I was born and baptized as a Roman Catholic. I evolved into a being that values spirituality more than religiosity. Besides, all religious teachings boil down to the same values of love, respect, compassion and so on.

So, I am doing away with the religious practices. I don’t go to any mass, albeit I try as best I can to manifest my spirituality through my actions towards others. Right now though, these Christian songs touched me in an oh so familiar way. My restless soul suddenly calmed down as if a storm had just stopped and everything around is quiet.

It’s a feeling I don’t want to interpret or analyze using my religious skeptic mind. I just want to savor the moment while it lasts.

I gave my hubby a huge floral bouquet

Our life can get extremely monotonous at times it feels as though we are treading a long winding tunnel with no end in sight. Whenever I feel this way, I try to think of quirky things to do that can fire up my day.

It was a chilly spring afternoon. I woke up from a nap. My then boyfriend –now my hubby—was still asleep. It wasn’t an ordinary day sucked up by monotony. Rather, it was a happy time of being reunited. However, at that moment in time I felt a tinge of melancholy because I was going to leave him in a few days’ time and go back to work in Bangkok. I couldn’t even make it to his birthday which was only two days after my departure. While I sat by the window, I gazed at him breathing calmly in deep slumber then I turned my gaze outside where the grasses and trees were beginning to enliven springtime.

I wanted to make his birthday special even without my presence but not in a typical way. Suddenly, I was struck with an idea. He would never have guessed that on his birthday, a bouquet will be delivered at his doorstep. I immediately placed my order online before he woke up.

Andddddd the big day came! We were talking on Skype. The buzzer sounded. He bid adieu thinking it was his friend Mark who came to have lunch with him. But to his surprise, it was the delivery lady handing him the sweet smelling bouquet of orange daisies, roses and lilies. He came back online right away to share with me his confused reaction which amused me to bits. He couldn’t quite find the exact words to express how it made him feel. He was of course happy but he seemed to be feeling something else that he cannot put a name on.

I guessed it was because men are not used to receiving flowers. Most men spend their lifetime never getting one. Whilst women love receiving flowers, men – those very few who experienced being given one– may just don’t know how to actually react. It was an interesting experience for me as well to find out how men are when it comes to receiving presents normally given to women.

Someday, when my day becomes another draining monotony, I would do it again. I’ll hand him the bouquet and see how he’d react myself.

What about you? What bizarre things do you do when life is a standstill?

It’s okay if all you did today was breathe

I once saw a quote that said, “it’s okay if all you did today was breathe”. I keep reminding myself of this piece of wisdom whenever I feel anxious for not being “productive”. What does it mean to be productive anyway? Ahhhh, it’s the same as asking what it means to be successful. There are no definite answers but many people struggle in going beyond what society portrays as being productive or successful.

Movies show us people juggling several things at the same time. A woman cooking and looking after the baby while talking to someone on the phone. A working lady jumping at one meeting to the other, folders in hand and a cup of coffee on the other. There are meetings over breakfast because the day is too occupied that the only time to squeeze that one meeting is during breakfast. We have been conditioned to adapt to this lifestyle to feel a sense of belongingness to the “productive” group. We are made to feel that life is wasted or that we are lazy if we are not busy.

The problem with this never ending ‘busyness’ though is that it deprives us of precious time for reflection. It’s so easy to get caught up with the habits of multitasking and feeling productive but at some point, we would realize that we are getting nowhere. Many people have reached a point of identity or emotional crises after suffering from burn-out and realizing that their constant chase for productiveness has brought them no meaning, no sense of purpose, and no clear direction for the future.

As I lie in a hammock, feeling the breeze against my cheeks and listening to the chirping birds, I thank heavens for the opportunity to be still, to breathe in life and hear my soul speak. I wish I had done this more often before. I was caught up with the overly glorified busy lifestyle that I neglected time for reflection and retrospection. I learned that such ‘busyness’ had, in fact, blurred my idealism. I began to question and got skeptical about so many things, thinking they were the problems of the world, when in fact the problem was me and my lack of direction and sense of purpose. Ticking my to-do list was not the same as having a life purpose. No matter how much I’ve accomplished in a day if I don’t spend time to reflect and redirect myself towards the right path, those daily accomplishments were nothing but futile.

The shallow sense of productiveness has resulted to plenty of outputs but most of the time has never brought quality outcomes. That’s why it felt like living in circles, doing a myriad of things day by day but never reaching a milestone. We owe it to ourselves to spend time to just slow down, to just breathe. Maybe during these moments of silence, our sense of purpose will be crystallized, our direction made clearer and our daily pursuit of productiveness will no longer be barren but full of promises and meaning.

The day I circled Divinubo Island

My previous work and even life at grad school involved a lot of traveling and most, if not all, of those destinations were packed with tourists. This is what made our trip to Divinubo Island special because we were the only tourists in that small island town. Within a day, we were able to circle the island, climb at the old lighthouse and drink fresh coconut juice while interacting with the locals.

Divinubo Island is only 15 minutes by boat from Cogon Lalawigan in Borongan City, Eastern Samar. If you are lucky to catch the scheduled boat trip, the fare is only PhP14 (approx .28 USD) per passenger whilst special trip costs PhP300 (6 USD) per way, though after 6PM it will increase to PhP500 (10 USD). There are two resorts in the island though when we were there, both were unable to accommodate us so we slept at a hostel in the city and went to the island the next day. The island is so tiny it only takes 1.5 to 2 hours to circle it.

The locals knew we were tourists the moment we docked on their shore (the island is small after all and everyone there might know everyone) so they suggested we take a guide who could lead us to safer tracks. Our guide was 72 years old Manong Moloy. We gave Manong Moloy PhP300 as a gesture of thanks for his time and generosity. He pointed to us the areas affected by typhoon Yolanda in 2013. We also saw the on-going construction of accommodations. I can imagine that in a few years’ time, the island will be flocked with more tourists.

Divinubo is not what I had expected at all. I imagined an uninhabited island with just infrastructures catered for tourists. On the contrary, Divinubo island is, in fact, a small town with a primary school, several houses both native and modern, wooden and concrete. The island’s beautiful surprises, however, are found around it. We went at low tide, the perfect time to explore. The scenery was beautiful and I extremely enjoyed watching schools of fish on hollow areas with clear, turquoise water. My iPhone’s photos can never do justice to such magnificence but here are a few of Divinubo’s beautiful scenery.

Tips: Circling the island involves climbing on the rocks and walking on slippery areas so wear appropriate footwear. Travel light. The sun can be extremely hot so wear a hat if you are lazy to bring an umbrella. And never forget your sunscreen!

Meditation retreat at a forest monastery

Photo by Fong Kin Houng

“I want to live like animals, careless and free like animals. I want to live. I want to run through the jungle the wind in my hair and the sand at my feet…” the song went on and on, set on repeat mode, as I cleaned up my dusty room the moment I arrived from my 5-day meditation retreat; the same way I listen to it now while I write. It has been over 2 years since I went up to Ubon Ratchathani, northern Thailand to meditate at Wat Pah Nanachat – International Forest Monastery yet I can still remember how I felt then. It takes 10 hours to travel by train to Ubon Ratchathani so I decided to take the evening train to reach there in time for breakfast. That way, I can eat at the temple for free and slid myself into their daily routine.

I emailed the monastery to ask for permission to stay there and gave them my schedule. I was surprised at the swift reply. The train from Bangkok has an air-conditioned cabin with bed. I brought a book to read in case I can’t sleep. After a few pages into the world of Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy, I closed the book and looked out the window, gazed at the starry sky. I used to use the pseudonym stargazer in my teenage years. The noisy sound of the train gradually became a lullaby as I fell into a deep slumber. I woke up before sunrise and was amazed at the view when I looked out the window. We were passing along a farm, then thick bushes, then a barren land; such beautiful greenery of plants and trees. I was enveloped with calmness and contentment at the sight of the simple and peaceful life at the countryside. I silently gave a prayer of thanks.

The monastery is surrounded with quotations like this
Photo by ธีรรัฐ เชี่ยวสกุล

Getting off at the train station was a bit chaotic with people in a hurry pushing their way through the crowd. The atmosphere was the same as any other province, less dense and chaotic as Bangkok yet still busy and noisy. I could not wait to get into the monastery. Upon entering the entrance of the monastery, I could see trees lined up on each side of the road. They were high with thick canopies. It was as though we were entering into a forest. After all, Wat Pah Nananachat is called the International Forest Monastery. I felt a sudden change of emotions; the calmness and contentment I felt upon waking up engulfed me once again.

Photo by Mitchai Khankaew

As I have anticipated, I reached in time for breakfast. The only female meditator, Li from China, ushered me into the dining area. Breakfast was the only meal we can have each day so everyone ate as much as they can though we had to keep in mind that we cannot waste food so we were to take only what we can finish. After breakfast, we helped in cleaning the area. Soon after I went to meet the monk to be briefed on the rules of the monastery. It was rather simple, not really rules but a set of daily routine and guidelines. We were to wake up at 3AM to join the morning chant and meditation. Afterwards, we were to clean our designated area. Mine and Li’s was the chapel nearby. Though we swept it every day, there were always lots of fallen leaves around because it is surrounded with trees. We were in a forest after all.

Just some of the food; there were much more! Thais are very generous at giving alms to the temple
Photo by minxianlim

Breakfast area & kitchen
Photo by 余锦盛

The temple we cleaned every morning. I also meditate here.
Photo by 余锦盛

After cleaning we helped prepare breakfast brought by monks from their morning alms round then we cleaned up the kitchen afterwards. I also experienced cleaning the toilets. After all the morning chores, the day is ours to spend. Since it is a monastery that welcomes meditators and not a formal meditation retreat house, there is no rigid schedule nor meditation coaching. I realized that eating only once gave me enough time for other things. It felt extremely liberating to not think about meal time and the confusion that came with it over what to eat.

The first thing I do after breakfast was take a shower. We did a lot of cleaning in the morning so I wanted to freshen up before going to the chapel to meditate. I could not sit for hours and hours meditating so after an hour or so of sitting meditation, I would go for mindful walk though most of the time I would just nap at my kuti. Every afternoon at 4:30PM we were to go back to the kitchen to enjoy a cup of coffee or tea. Soon after, we were to attend the evening chant and meditation. One of my best moments at the temple was watching the rain as it washed over the trees, its droplets create a ripple once it touches a small swamp while holding a hot cup of coffee. In that instant I realized how simple happiness can be.

Inside the temple where I meditate
Photo by Fong Kin Houng

Only Dhamma books were allowed in the temple which we can borrow from their mini library. I also had to surrender my mobile phone. We were to dress in white shirt and white trousers and were not allowed to wear jewelry, make up and perfume. The women’s walled quarter was far off from the men’s, and was as usual surrounded with lots of trees. Walking from there to the temple for the 3AM chant was a scary experience but I made it anyway.

Path towards the women’s quarter
Photo by minxianlim

Women’s kuti
Photo by minxianlim

Main sala or meditation hall
Photo by 余锦盛

In the evening, I found it difficult to sleep because of the noise created by crickets and other forest insects. Sometimes I could hear a sudden thud on the roof of my kuti. I also later read from a blog that the kuti where I stayed actually had a dead person’s ashes on it! So glad I didn’t know while I was there otherwise I would have gone mad! Though it explained why I could not sleep and felt strange in it at night. At first I thought it was because I was uncomfortably sleeping on the floor with just one tiny pillow (not complaining, just wan’t used to it). I read a lot of Dhamma books before bedtime where I developed a deeper understanding and appreciation of Buddhism. I found Buddha’s teachings practical and easier to grasp.

One evening we sat with the Abbot, a German who’s been a monk for over 20 years. In Buddhism, it’s so easy to understand the hierarchy among the monks. Those who have been ordained the longest sits at the top of the structure. During that session, we were allowed to ask questions. One novice asked, “How can you forgive someone who wronged you if you can still feel the pain?” His answer was something I had not heard of or read before. “If you think about forgiveness, you are placing yourself above the person. That is your ego getting in the way. Let go of your ego. Let go of the pain. That person may be suffering himself anyway.”

As the day of my departure approached, I found it more and more difficult to leave. I knew I was there to learn about letting go of attachment as one of the tenets of Dhamma but I was growing attached to the place. Probably because ever since I can remember, it was the first time I experienced being so at peace, contented with the life I had even if I only ate once a day. I woke up each morning not thinking about any worries, unfinished work nor the future, there was no internet and constant inundation of information.

Life was at its simplest at the temple. The daily routine may seem boring but on the contrary they made my day stress-free as I didn’t have to fuss over what to do next or how to make my day productive. Going through the routine especially the sweeping of the leaves at the bot (women’s meditation hall) was extremely therapeutic. It made me understand why a lot of self-help books suggest having a morning routine; it makes it easier to go through the rest of the day once our mornings are stress-free.

Photo by Pornthip Sanguanmoo

Photo by 余锦盛

Photo by Fong Kin Houng

Photo by 余锦盛

Inside the main sala or meditation hall
Photo by Fong Kin Houng

My experiences during meditation sessions were rather too personal so I shall not be writing about them. However, I have to say I was not able to empty my mind of any thoughts even for a split second; meditation is not about that so there is no need to pressure yourself into achieving such a state. I struggled at first but as the day progressed I began to feel at ease. At the temple, all the negative emotions I was feeling gradually disappeared. Even past painful memories that still hurt whenever I remember them didn’t hurt anymore no matter how I tried to provoke myself into feeling the pain.

My experiences at the monastery were one of the best I’ve ever had; the emotions it made me feel, the stories shared with fellow meditators, and the opportunity to live in a forest. It was the only time in my life when the past and the future didn’t matter at all and I wished that feeling will stay as long as I live. Unfortunately, things are always different in reality, though what I felt at the temple were also real they just didn’t stay that way. Still, I am forever grateful that I experienced how it felt.

Wat Pah Nanachat (Wat = monastery, pah = forest, nanachat = international) was founded by Ajahn Chah to enable foreigners who do not speak Thai to enter into monastic life. Most of the monks at the monastery are foreigners. The monastery practices Theravada Forest Tradition.

P.S. I lost all my photos of the monastery so I used other’s photos instead. Lesson learned, always have a backup.