Are you proactive or reactive?

Stephen Covey’s book ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” has been on my shelf for the past 6 months. Though I’ve started reading a few pages, still I couldn’t get myself to finish it. Just this morning, I was thinking of what worthwhile thing to do without getting off from bed and spotted his book lying on the shelf beside me. So, I pick it up and started reading from the last page I’ve read.

The page title says “Proactivity” Defined. I was reminded of what my officemate told me few days ago; our boss commented that he is not proactive. But what does ‘proactive’ means anyway? And what do we call a person who is not proactive?

As I read through, I got to figure out the best word to define how I have been behaving for more than a year now and the very reason why I couldn’t finish reading this book and all the other books in my shelf, “reactive”.

Below is an excerpt of the book to give you a glimpse of how Covey differentiates a proactive and reactive person.

Reactive people are driven by feelings, by circumstances, by conditions, by their environment. Proactive people are driven by values – carefully thought about, selected and internalized values.

Reactive people are affected by their social environment, by the “social weather”. When people treat them well, they feel well; when people don’t they become defensive and protective. Reactive people build their emotional lives around the behaviour of others, empowering the weaknesses of other people to control them.

Proactive people can carry their own weather with them. They are value driven; and if their value is to produce good quality work, it isn’t a function of whether the weather is conducive to it or not.

Reactive Language                                   Proactive Language
There’s nothing I can do                            Let’s look at our alternatives
That’s just the way I am                            I can choose a different approach
He makes me so sa                                    I control my own feelings
They won’t allow that                               I can create an effective presentation
I have to do that                                        I will choose an appropriate response
I can’t                                                       I choose
I must                                                       I prefer
If only                                                      I will

Song of my heart

It was a serene starry night. The ocean breeze from Camotes sea blew a kiss on my cheeks. The man beside me strum his guitar and the music strewed with the caressing wind as the waves rushed toward the shore.

Reminiscing those wonderful moments I spent at the beach with Maru is my way of escaping from the solitude of life abroad. How I wish we can go back to the same spot where he first sung the song that made me almost burst into tears, the song that became his heart’s words.

Such memorable experience, the feeling of being loved, is one of the greatest things life can ever give us.

 

 

 Forever by The Ambassadors

I may burn out like a candle and
I may pass away
I may fall just like a shooting star
my heart will stay
I’ll be yours until forever,
forever I’ll be true to the promise
I have made from the day that
I found you
forever you’re in my heart
even if we’re apart

I say, forever I’ll be yours
forever I love you
I say, forever I’ll be yours
forever I love you
my love will never fade away
even if I’ll die and
I will love you until the end of time
even without your smile

So help me please I beg you
don’t walk away I need you
just stay with me and be by my side
take my hand and we’ll work it out

Until forever I’ll be yours
forever I’ll love you
I say, forever I’ll be yours
forever I’ll be true
my love will never fade away
even if I’ll die and
I will love you until the end of time
even without your smile

So help me please I beg you
to stay….

 

 

A life changed by a priest

Way back in college, I was occupied with so many responsibilities both academic and extracurricular. I traveled a lot around the country and meet different people, some of them are famous political and showbiz icons. I was actively serving the Youth for Christ and at times, serve as speaker in various youth camps. I was living a very fulfilling life and there was never a time when I feel “bored with life”.

The drastic changes in my lifestyle since I came in Bangkok last year was difficult to handle. My work as a writer failed to give me the sense of fulfillment I would have acquired if I work in a development organization.  Though I succeeded in my task of raising our company’s sales, still I feel I was not able to fully use my knowledge and skills. My job didn’t give me the kind of challenges that I fought with as a student leader; challenges that somehow brought out the best in me.

Finding people whom I can relate with was also very hard. When I talk about books, global issues, life and the likes to my friends, they would gradually drop the topic. These things left me feeling isolated. It gave me the chance to delve into the past and mourn over the mistakes and wrong decisions I’ve made. Not so long, I fell in the trap of depression. The fall was high and it was very hard to get up.

I was left wondering how I will find myself again; how I will put up the pieces of my “shattered life”. The support and love of my family and boyfriend Omar was the only thing I’ve got to cling on. However, they are far from me; I couldn’t fully express my feelings to them and they couldn’t comfort me as much as when they are around.

Behind the tormenting agony lies the hope that someday all these things will make sense. I was on the lookout for His message for me. I always believed that everything happens for a reason and that no matter how bad are the circumstances, God’s blessings will always unfold at the right time.

Despite these small embers of hope that keep on burning in my heart, still I feel as if I was lost in the wilderness; I need someone to bring me back on track. And just when I almost give up, I met this priest who changed my life forever.

My officemate and friend Marlar told me she will visit a priest confined in the hospital just few blocks away from my apartment. I learned that this priest came to Bangkok alone for an operation after a motorcycle accident. Thinking of his situation alone in the hospital without anyone to call except the nurses on duty, I felt an urge to come not just to visit him but to assist him until he is fully recovered.

The thought of helping him didn’t happen as planned. On the contrary, he was the one who helped me; the one who carried God’s light back into my darkened life.

He patiently listened to my silliest stories, most of which were negative experiences. The load I carry felt lighter each time I share to him the things that confuses and hurts me. It wasn’t hard to open up with him as he is able to fully understand even my unspoken words; something only very few people can do.

Each day I am in awe with his wisdom and compassion. Every act he did, every word he said was full of lesson and meaning. It amazes me how he understand each person, with its negative and positive side. It amazes me how wide his understanding is and how he profoundly view life. It amazes me how he used only very few words to answer the many questions I had in mind.

He taught me how to forgive others and my past. He taught me how to live a simple life anchored on wisdom and faith. He taught me how to love myself. He taught me how to love others the right way and how not to lose myself in doing so. He taught me how to cherish the past, dream for the future and live the present moment to its fullest.

This great man whom I considered my guru, spiritual adviser and father helped me put up the puzzle together and let me see God’s message. He helped me appreciate my past, both the painful and joyful ones. He molded me to become a strong and independent lady but never miss to pamper the child in me.

Who would have thought that my depression could lead me to a person who became one of my life’s foundations? Who would have thought that his accident would make him heal many broken hearts?

Indeed, everything happens for a reason and every downfall we experience are part of God’s plan to give us only the best in life. Our suffering can either bring goodness to ourselves or to others. But, one thing is for sure, everything He brings us is for our own good.

Just as flowers only start to bloom in spring, His answers will be revealed at the right time He set in heaven. Like a beautiful rainbow that appears after a storm, our greatest blessings come after our hardest troubles.

God will never give us a cross too heavy for us to carry. And when we are in pain, we are never alone. He always sends people to manifest His immense love to us. I will always be grateful of what He sent to me. He never gave me anything less.

Now, I will go on with life keeping the most valuable lesson I learned from my guru: Always look straight forward.

For everything, thank you so much Dadu.

10-Minute Poem Writing on Poverty

The first time I’ve seen the light

I thought, in this world, everything is right

Living with a loving and caring family

I’m pretty sure that I won’t go astray

As I reached out to the world

I’ve seen people living with gold

But as I looked at the other side of things

I’ve seen the suffering of the human beings

Reality struck me each day I live

Nothing else I want to do than to give

‘Til the end of time I’m gonna offer

My life to make this world better

 

Edit: 2020

It's been a decade since I wrote this poem yet I can still imagine the atmosphere and all my emotions while writing. 

Seed of Life

When I applied for Global Xchange, the thoughts I had in mind were learning, fun, travel, opportunities, career jump-start, selfish aims for myself. True enough that GX has everything to offer. But GX does not only ends with giving us allowances, budget for activities and implementing rules and platform for a successful programme. GX has totally changed my life and changed my views and perceptions about issues concerning the humanity.

Every activity and experiences I had is an eye opener for me especially our GCDs on interpretations of poverty, poverty and inequality and poverty in Mindanao. It made me understand how societal problems are connected to each other and that poverty is the root cause. Those topics along with other GCDs made me become aware about a lot of things which I do not know before. It made me value the things which I did not care before.

All my life, I’ve never experienced something like this where at the end of the day I just stay quite as I internalize and reflect on various realities. It breaks my heart to know how some people live in wealth and luxury while others can’t even eat a single bread in a day. While other people lay peacefully in their bed at night, some people cannot sleep worrying if they could still witness another sunrise. While others live in fame and admiration, some are wounded by discrimination. While some do not know the meaning of education and do not value it, others walk miles away each day to be able to finish even just primary. These realities are some things that I didn’t only learn from theory. It is something that I’ve witnessed and experienced first hand.

Since the start of GX, I have come to meet new acquaintances, experienced new things and gained new knowledge. I’ve earned it for the past 6 months of the exchange. But one single moment before GX ends, something was added on the list.

We were evacuated two weeks before debrief from Iligan City due to the conflict between the government and the Moro Islamic Liberation Front (MILF). Since we cannot work with our work placement, we tried to help in the relief operations for the victims. We also allotted one day to meet the members of the government panel who were involved in the controversial Memorandum of Agreement between the government and MILF which is the cause of the present war. This gave us wider understanding of the history of our country and the historical bloody conflict between the two parties.

Although the main cause is self determination among the Muslim Filipinos, I’m quite certain that poverty is still one of the great causes. But the speakers and efforts of Balay Mindanao Foundation Inc. taught me how to be a part of the solution and contribute to the country’s battle against poverty and war. Learning and realizations would not suffice without action. I was reminded of those people from our work placements and few individuals that I’ve met who gave their life in the service of our countrymen to promote lasting peace and development. The determination and encouragement implanted by these people is something that I haven’t learned from school. It is through immersion and involvement that I got to feel what it’s like to be an ambassador of social change.

I may be just one volunteer who aspires to do something in this troubled world, but I believe it only takes one seed to produce bountiful fruits.

Success

 Success is as simple as being able to define your goals.

…sweet thoughts from friends…

When I love, I love deeply and these surprising messages are more than enough to keep me believing that even the smallest things I do for others can somehow touch their lives, enough reason for me to keep on loving…

From Miss Lovable:

“mag drama ko ha.. (hmmh, just wanted to say THANK YOU! for the unconditional and TRUE friendship (although we had misunderstandings in our past moments..hehe) we still remian bond and intact.. i’m soo glad having you as a friend (not all people has the privilage of having one).. we meet in Ilang-Ilang dormitory you’re in room 7 and i in room 12 the cleanest room, hehehe).. i dont know where our closeness started.. (maybe it was destined that you will have a cute and charming friend, ahem) when my tita stop supporting me you we’re thier helping me find ways for me to still continue to go to school (hing doul pa gani ta, forgot the name para maka SA for me to have a source of fund) . then, another was when it was summer again i had no money for my tuition you texted ate rich and ask her if i have a tuition and told her that you have an extra 500 for me to borrow then things follows next..until now although we are far still our closeness and bond are intact.. im really thankful to GOD for he give you as a part (a special part) in my life.. hope our frienship last after forever.. love you my dear friend MARY ANTONETTE HILOT ABELLO..MWahhhh, and before i forgot (nosebleed ko ani)heheh

i really THANK YOU for the (SciPhone i 68) mao na na atoa code run ha?hehhe damo wrong graming ani kahibaw naka..hehhe”

From Mr. Energy:

“ I will once again say thank you for everything you have done
to me during gx. My experience in that day became so much fun and colorful to remember. You always cross into my mind everytime I do something good to others. Now, I can say to myself that it is just about time for me to share to others what I have learned from you, I should say. To be a friend to others in times of difficulties and reach out for those who lose confidence to themselves are just a few things that I have learned from you. Anyway, how are you there? hearing every success that you achieved makes me so happy for you. Hope to see you soon tonet and hopefully we will see each other there in Thailand, hehe… You are one of the women that I admired… Ingats always… god bless..."

 

Avatar and the message behind

I’m not a movie-fanatic but I was deeply moved by the youtube trailer of The Secret which I owe great thanks to Joseph Emmanuel Lansang for giving me the link. I haven’t recovered from the frenzy of The Secret yet when he told me to watch Avatar saying “Watch it and you will thank me more“. In less than an hour I saw status updates on Facebook Livestream talking about the movie and how good it was. ‘Twas not until I read the Avatar review of Rebecca Murray at About.com that I finally found my way to the cinema. My friend Jytjyt Soliva was at first very reluctant to watch it because for her, ‘280 Baht is way too expensive for a movie’. But having convinced by her co-teachers, she ended up on the seat beside me.

As I let my 3D glasses take me to Pandora, I felt I was hypnotized by its exhilarating panorama. The 3D glasses was indeed successful in letting the viewers delve into the world of the Na’vis. It gave me the feeling that I was actually there, a part of their world and sharing with them the magnificent beauty that nature has to offer. Two thumbs up for James Cameron for such an ‘out of the box’ creativity. The cinematography was perfect.

What I liked most about the movie was the love ingredient James Cameron has incorporated. Jake leaving the human world to be one with the alien Neytiri was way too romantic. But despite the grandiose scenes and the magical feeling that runs through my veins, I can’t help but be bothered by the evident message of the movie. One doesn’t need to reach the climax of the story before realizing its connection to the catastrophic phenomena humans are experiencing at present.

According to Murray, “Avatar is set in a future in which we’re able to travel to distant planets and interact the natives.” Here’s my own take on that. Watching the movie was like taking off on a time machine that brought me back to the past, where our world  was like that of Pandora, peacefully inhabited by our ancestors. But humanity’s greed placed our mother land to destruction just like the Na’vis’ tree of life.

How the Na’vis grieved for losing their loved ones and home reflects the suffering of those victims of calamities at present. And the sad truth is that what ruined their harmonious life is basically the same to what destroyed our land right now, technological advancement, literally. Although innovations are necessary for the improvement of life, the inevitable misuse and overuse of these technologies led to various environmental destructions.

The last 30 minutes of the movie showed how the humans were defeated by the Na’vis despite their use of high-tech shields. I felt that the Na’vis were sending us a message, that at the very end when it’s time for mother nature to take its revenge, even the greatest inventions of man cannot save us.

The day I broke a child’s heart

Four years ago, I went to the VSU beach to witness the beauty of sunrise and breathe fresh air. I was with my friend Mariz Guino sittin’ on the rocky black sand (not the best beach though) when we saw two kids gathering seashells. We approached them and asked if we can help out. Their sweet smile reflects an innocent soul. Behind us is their grandma, in her late 80s I guess. Looking at her, I felt a pang realizing how old she was and should be staying at home. Instead, she was their religiously flipping the rocks to find what seemed to be their next meal.

I asked the kids if they are going to have it for lunch or dinner, just to start a childish conversation. To my surprise, they will have it for breakfast, which I estimated to be around 10AM after a rigorous cleaning and cooking process.

They bid goodbye and head off home but before they left I asked them to visit us in our dormitory. I was planning to treat them for a snack since that morning they need to rush off home to cook.

I waited day after day for them to come but no one showed in the dorm. The following weekend I went to the beach and was glad to find them there. I found out they never understood our instruction, went to a wrong dorm and never found us so they just decided to try and find us in the beach (really smart kids).

We’ve had wonderful moments with the kids and we look forward every weekend to see them. We brought them to the nearest town and bought each a pair of slippers, marbles (as they requested) and food. A few people threw strange stares to us knowing we dress so differently with the kids. Who cares, all that matter to us is being able to make two young hearts happy.

After strolling at the park, we took them home. Seeing their house that looked like it will slump anytime broke my heart into pieces. Located along the coast, I can imagine how cold it could be at night.

One afternoon, I had a serious conversation with Polpol, the older one which was 8 years old at the time. I asked him why he quit studying. His answer was very simple, “My teacher scolded me because I wasn’t able to bring a notebook for our project”. I asked again, why didn’t you bring one? He answered “Because we don’t have money”.

I told him he is going to school by June and promised to support his studies. I talked to my friend Mariz and we decided to provide him his school supplies and weekly allowance which is not really very expensive as he is still in his primary grade and their school is just a few meters away from their house. So we only need to give him a few pesos for snacks each day (which means instead of buying our snack, we will save our money for his allowance).

While I was telling him about our plan, he never said much, just this “I’m afraid you won’t be able to fulfill your promise”. I assured him it’s gonna happen.

February 12 was Mariz’ birthday and we organized a little surprise for her at the VSU beach. I urged Ate Carmille Bales to drive for me so I can fetch the kids. We took them to the VSU beach resort and all our Youth for Christ friends played with them. We gave them some of the food to bring home for their grandma.

Time passed by so quickly and before I knew it, the school year has ended. I enjoyed my vacation, however, I anticipated the coming school year for a lot of reasons and one of them was to see the kids again.

With all excitement, I went back to VSU to enroll. I can’t believe how I was engulfed with so many responsibilities and totally forgot the kids especially Polpol whom we promised to send to school.

Mid-June, we asked their neighbor who was working at our school’s cafeteria of their whereabouts. She informed us that Polpol’s father took him to Manila. I swallowed hard, trying not to burst into tears with the thought that he might either be safe their or better off without his father.

I never got any news of him since that day but until now, he still crossed my mind and it pains me every time. I hope with all my heart that he is having a better life now coz otherwise, I know he would feel bad that I broke my promise.

I just wish destiny will give me a chance to see him again… I wish…

Online volunteering makes a difference

Even when I was a kid, my heart always breaks every time I see a beggar on the streets. My young mind can’t help but wonder why people could afford to ignore those street children when what they asked for is just a single peso to buy a piece of bread.

As I got older, I realized that there are so much frustrations in the world other than the sight of a hungry child. My attempt to contribute was through being an active student leader. After I graduated and having volunteered in Newham and Iligan, I became passionate to work on areas in line with community development.

However, fate brought me into the corporate world. T’was just a matter of priority though as for now, my goal is to help my family. I need to stick with my job to do that which means giving up my desire to serve the people.

No matter how I tried to be positive with my job in the business sector, there were just times when I just found myself ranting over the same paradox. Thanks to Ms. Jennifer Domingo, she introduced to me the world of online volunteering. I registered and browse on some tasks which I am capable of doing to maximize my contribution to the organization.

Indeed, we will never run out of ways to do something if we only have that strong determination and will in our heart. I am now very excited to start applying and hopefully get accepted by one of the organizations I am keen to work with.