Reviewing my week changes my perspective of tomorrow

Working in a non-profit organization for over five years taught me the importance of setting concrete goals and establishing a monitoring and evaluation system to help us keep track of our progress and steer us back to the right track should we veer, among other things.

In one of the workshops I’ve attended, I learned about the Theory of Change and the process of identifying a specific goal, how to break it into long term and short term plans, and how to create a timeline on a yearly, monthly, weekly and daily basis to ensure that what we do every day will contribute to the realization of our ultimate goal. I thought then that such process can also be applied to our personal goals. But since I decided to not think about ‘big plans’ yet at the moment because I still don’t know what it is I really want, I will instead focus my energy into making sure I spend each day doing the things I am passionate about and hopefully in the process I will be able to figure out what ‘big project’ I want to pursue.

The ‘big project’ I was referring to is something in addition to becoming a lawyer. Becoming a good lawyer requires one to study diligently so I make sure that each day I also allocate some time reading law books and cases aside from doing my other passions.

Now, here’s the thing. Some people don’t even know what they are passionate about. I am the opposite. I enjoy taking pictures, writing/blogging, reading, knitting, cooking, baking, meditation, yoga, video editing – a lot! That’s why it can also get frustrating trying to identify which one I should focus on. So instead of asking myself what is it really, I will just attempt to do them and see where the process will lead me. Thus, being mindful of how I spend my day is the first step at ensuring that this year will not be another wasted year spent mindlessly.

So how do I know I am on track? On January 1, I began to journal my daily activities, learning and realisations. Sometimes I would write whenever I feel the urge particularly when something came up that I didn’t want to forget but most of the time I would write before going to sleep. The first time I did it on new year’s night, I was appalled to see how little I accomplished that day. The nights that followed were filled with the same dismay at how I was not able to maximize my time. I was particularly disappointed when most of my day was spent on delays – when I had to go through a delayed boat departure, delayed van departure, or long queue at a mall counter.

What are you tracking if you don’t have a specific goal?

It’s not that I totally don’t have a goal. I don’t have specific goals such as opening a business venture, publishing a book, winning a Pulitzer award or what have you, but I do have a goal and that is to mindfully spend my day doing the things I am passionate about. My daily journal keeps track of this. Am I doing the things I am passionate about? Or did I spend the day slacking?

I then came up with an idea of having a weekly review of my activities. This is what I meant when I said in my previous post that it’s not necessary to make grand plans for the year because identifying one’s goal is a process and being mindful of how I spend my day is the beginning of the process. True enough, when I began to be mindful of my day, I came up with ideas I would not have thought about before and one of them is to do a weekly review of my activities. The weekly review is designed to help me celebrate my little victories, identify my weaknesses and assess areas for improvement.

My first week of January 2018

I am happy to report that I successfully avoided soft drinks and alcoholic beverages. I plan to continue not drinking them for the whole year. What happens next year is yet to be determined. Vowing never to drink them until the end of time is such a huge goal which will only make me too overwhelmed and overwhelm leads to failure. The key is to make short-term achievable goals first then cross the bridge when I get there.

I was also able to read 40 pages of civil cases on New Year’s day! This was such an accomplishment given my tendencies to avoid work or school work during a day of celebration. And because I was able to do that on a special day, I was able to encourage myself to spend time reading law books every day no matter the duration.

Unfortunately, aside from those two key wins, my week was uneventful. There are definitely more areas to improve. I did yoga just once – for only 30 minutes – though this was also because I was feeling sickly for three days. I felt nauseous then better the following day then suddenly hit by a cough the day after. In fact I was supposed to do my weekly review yesterday but my body felt extremely heavy I ended up sleeping most of the time. I wrote just one article. Did two sessions of 10-minute meditation which was a total shame! And I didn’t finish reading a single novel; I’m not even halfway done!

Overall, my week wasn’t fully maximized. My study time fell too short even though I knew I could have spent more time on it. The same with meditation where a 30-minute session in the morning and before sleep would have been totally achievable but I just didn’t do it. The yoga failure I can forgive because I was really feeling awful though I have to give myself some credit for being mindful of what I eat and drink.

Hopefully this week I will be physically healed and will be able to spend my days better than last week. One thing is for sure, this weekly review is very effective at drawing my attention to how lazy I was, how I’m not able to fully appreciate the time I was gifted to spend; it is a good motivation to keep going and to keep changing for the better. I knew I’ve been good at wasting my time in the past but reviewing my week like this gave a whole new perspective. There’s something about it that gives me that needed boost to actually, really change.

Most important New Year’s resolution we often miss

It’s that time of the year again when most of us are revved up to start the year fresh, make New Year’s resolutions and plans for the whole year round. There’s just something about new year which screams renewal, hope, chances and new beginnings; it fills our spirits with optimism and drive.

The first three days of my year was spent on visiting relatives and traveling. I was out and about with no regard at being productive because I was on full holiday mood and my days were meant to be spent on making memories and quality family time. Yesterday was supposed to be the day I was to begin executing my plans. I sat at my study table in the morning and jotted down my day’s to-do list. I was committed to making that day productive.

Executing my plans doesn’t mean I have a whole plan laid out for the year. In fact, I don’t have any plans at all, except the plan of making this year different. I still don’t know how to do that or what I wish to achieve this year but I believe that it’s a process. And going through the process involves being disciplined on how I spend my day. I want to ensure that my day is spent doing the things I am passionate about, things that make me happy and fulfilled. I hope that through this process, I will gain a clearer perspective on where I want to go, what I want to be and how I will make my existence meaningful.

It’s been a cliché how the internet particularly social media has created these delusions of what an ideal life must be. I want to live an authentic life and I can only do this by being mindful my life’s unique purpose – as each of us has our own purpose of being, different from the others, solely our own destiny. So how do I remain true to my personal calling? I don’t know but living mindfully each day is the beginning of the process.

What’s the use of a thousand plans when you have an unhealthy body?

Yesterday, my attention was brought to a very important realisation. Committed to making the day productive, I immediately began to read one of my textbooks after I was done with my to-do list. Fifteen pages down, I began to feel nauseous followed by a throbbing headache. I don’t know what its cause was. So there I was, in bed capable of doing nothing except nurse my headache; and there it hit me that above all else, our health is our most important wealth. Without a good health, what use is there of all our plans when we don’t have the capacity to execute them?

Today I woke up all better, thanks to hubby’s good massage last night. I’m now ready to continue with my ‘be mindful and productive each day’ goal. But, on top of that, I will make my health a priority. It doesn’t even have to be through an arduous workout routine. It just simply means I will be careful with what I eat, drink enough water, get enough sleep and do some daily exercise/stretching and meditation.

Oh, and being productive doesn’t also mean doing so much hard work because being still and just spending the time doing nothing is a productive activity in itself. I wrote about it in another blog post here.

Happy New Year! May your 2018 be filled with good health, peace of mind, and lots of love and happiness.

A fairy-tale come true

A royal spring wedding is coming. The frenzy has just started and articles about Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have inundated the internet even before their engagement was officially announced. I am one among millions of fans who eagerly read articles that came my way. Whilst many anticipate the wedding day with much gusto, excited to have a glimpse of the bridal gown and all, I am more excited about what Meghan –an advocate of many good things—can do as a princess.

I am a recent Suits fan. I’ve only watched the series few months ago. I’ve read articles about Prince Harry dating a Meghan Markle but didn’t care one bit until I realised the lady he was dating was Rachel Zane of Suits! I was all eyes since then. Being a law student, Rachel Zane inspired me in several ways which made the person behind the character interesting for me too so I started reading about Meghan and found that she is more amazing than Rachel Zane. My politics is aligned with hers – at least from what I’ve read thus far.

She is a feminist, humanitarian advocate and actively voices out issues facing the marginalized communities. Her experiences growing up as a mixed-race woman, having a black mother, and living in a white supremacist society obviously helped shape her consciousness as an advocate but it was her choice to use her standing in society to raise awareness and take action against social issues that made me admire her. I’d like to believe that her advocacy will not change once she becomes a princess but rather, the new role will provide her with better opportunities to continue her advocacy.

On a side note, the upcoming royal wedding undeniably made me nostalgic of the time I spent in London. I was volunteering with Voluntary Service Overseas (VSO) for three months in Newham, London in 2008. The experience though short opened my eyes to a different reality. I grew up thinking that rich countries like the UK don’t have to face problems experienced by third-world countries like the Philippines. This notion changed when I saw a beggar sleeping on the street in winter. And I’ve seen the same in Sweden too.

We were also told to not stay at the park late because some African volunteers in another community were assaulted by a ‘white gang’ of young people. I’ve met a refugee from Afghanistan who barely spoke English and was all by himself in London. We may have struggled with language but I did understand that he was missing his family so much.

We had one activity where we were to identify social problems in the UK and our British counterparts shared that neighbours barely talk or know each other; a stark contrast in the Philippines where everybody knows everybody even those from different towns. There was a need to get people to talk and inculcate that sense of community – at least in London. There were various youth centres available in Newham alone that catered to the needs of young people but not many youth came. Instead, you’d read articles about them getting into a fight or involved with drugs.

Every nation face problems unique to its society and culture but in the grand scheme of things, nations have more similarities than differences. Globalization and the increasing technological advances rapidly blur borders. Problems faced by one country likewise pose a set of complex problems to its neighbours and even those at a distance geographically. Now more than ever, there is a need to catalyse global citizenship and encourage cooperation among advocates. And this is the reason I am thrilled that Meghan Markle is going to enter the royal institution –the British monarchy at that. I hope she will become a unifying figure in our continuous battle for a better world. Her love life may be one we can call a fairy-tale come true –a modern Cinderella—but I hope that her story won’t end at the wedding like most fairy tales do but rather open a new chapter of a princess working hard to save lives and the Mother Earth.

Spontaneity led me to an unforgettable adventure

It was a day just like any other day that had gone by except that I woke up later than usual because I was on leave from work. I’ve spent the past days on meditation at a forest monastery and other me-time which comprised mostly of cleaning and organising my room whilst also doing some internal cleansing. I have four more days left before I go back to work and I had no idea what to do with those remaining days. It was during those bored moments that my impulsiveness struck again because the next thing I know, I was in a train going to Aranyaprathet where I’d cross the border to Cambodia.

The decision to travel to Siem Reap didn’t involve so much fuss. I just got up from bed, scroll on my Facebook newsfeed, and exclaimed “I’m going to Cambodia!” I didn’t see any Cambodia-related posts on Facebook. I just thought Cambodia is the nearest I could travel given that I only have four days to spend. All I did was check what time the train leaves from Bangkok to Aranyaprathet, packed and headed to the station. I was literally backpacking contrary to most of my travels which involved dragging a stroller to the airport, a pre-arranged pick-up and a booking to some five-star hotels. The change was a breath of fresh air. I was ecstatic!

It was the first time I travelled without doing any research. I didn’t know where I’d stay, how do I actually get to Siem Reap or how much it would all cost me. I just sat at the train and enjoyed the scenery. I’ve always loved long train rides. It gives me the chance to just live in the moment and soaked it all in, the scenery, the sounds, the smell of places we passed by.

We arrived in Aranyaprathet at about 5PM. I asked someone how to get to the border but I was having a hard time getting a ride. I was also concerned that evening was approaching and I didn’t know if there are places for me to stay for the night on the other side of the border. I decided to spend the night in Aranyaprathet instead. I found a place which only cost THB200 (approx. USD 6) though they didn’t have air-conditioning but at least there was an electric fan. I dropped by backpack, took a shower and went for a walk around town to explore and find dinner. I liked it in the province with its slow-paced lifestyle in stark contrast with Bangkok.

I was going to take the bus to Siem Reap but I met two travellers, an Italian guy and Argentinian lady, who were also going there so we hired a cab instead and paid 20 US dollars each. Since I didn’t know yet where I’d stay, I got off with them and walked through the streets to find accommodations too cheap that you’d never find them on the internet. I found one at the end of the street from where my two companions were staying –their place has been booked up—and got a room to myself for only $10 a night.

I rented a bike that cost only $1 a day and spent the afternoon and evening exploring Siem Reap with it. I was extremely scared whenever I went on a busy street because I’ve never ridden a bike in a long time. But I was determined to overcome my fear so I went on. When I got tired of roaming around, I found a cozy place to drink and people-watch before I headed to the evening market.

The next day I explored Angkor Wat Complex by bike and spent only $1 as compared to the $10 tuktuk. If you’ve ever been around Angkor Wat Complex, you’d know how crazy it is to bike your way around with all the muscle pains afterwards because it is so huge! Still, I had so much fun exploring it by bike because I could enjoy the scenery better and it made me feel more attuned with nature. The second time I went was with colleagues, we had our tour guide provided by the Parliament and a comfortable ride but the experience was nothing compared to the fun I had with my bike.

I’ve always been fascinated with ruins and the nostalgic feeling I get when around them. And by nostalgic I meant that feeling of deeper connection with the past, the wisdom that ruins exude and the amazement at the sight of a masterpiece. I was particularly thrilled to visit the spot where they shoot the film Tomb Raider in Ta Prohm.

My most adventurous experience though happened on the way back. It started raining and there was no sign of it ever stopping. I was concerned because I have my passport and DSRL camera in my backpack but if I would wait for the rain to stop, it may not stop until dusk. I placed my passport inside the camera bag and wrapped the bag with the scarf and placed it at the bottom of my backpack. I then stacked the chips and souvenirs on top, hoping heavens that the bottom part will remain dry. I pedaled and stopped to rest then pedaled my way back for almost two hours before I reached my accommodation.

I was exhausted. I can no longer feel my legs. But I was extremely happy. For some reason, the experience felt extremely liberating. My passport was safe. My camera got a little wet. The rest of my bag was wet but I didn’t care. I was happy and I never felt as alive in a long time. I took a long warm bath and took some rest before I headed out to have dinner and hopped in the bus that left Siem Reap at midnight and brought me back to Bangkok before lunch the next day.

One of the best things about traveling unprepared is that you are forced to talk to people. I was thrilled at the idea of letting things unfold without giving much thought into its preparations but I was more thrilled to be interacting with people. Humanity is indeed full of kindness if you open your eyes to it and especially when you are a stranger at the receiving end of another stranger’s benevolence.

My spontaneous Siem Reap trip was one of my most unforgettable experiences. I didn’t spend time planning it so there were no unfulfilled expectations, no overthinking or what have you. It was all spontaneous and because of that, it was filled with surprises.

Let your soul take refuge

The last few days have been extra challenging for me. I’ve had 8AM-8PM classes that left me exhausted. I am sick with cough and cold. My head feels like I’m carrying an extra pound between my shoulders. Yet, I had to drag myself and go to school.

There have been some internal chaos as well. My sense of compassion has been put to test but leaned towards failing. Such internal battle, more than anything, left me paralyzed I ended up wasting precious time which I should have devoted to studying for next week’s final exams.

In my hopes to catch up with studies, I came to this coffee shop early. I’d probably be here for the rest of the day. The café just opened. I am their first customer. When I entered, I was greeted by worship songs so familiar every beat of my heart knows the lyrics. After giving my order, I sat in a corner and just let the music soothe my soul.

I am not an atheist because I still believe in a power greater than anything that’s holding up the universe. However, for several years now I stopped associating myself with any religion though I was born and baptized as a Roman Catholic. I evolved into a being that values spirituality more than religiosity. Besides, all religious teachings boil down to the same values of love, respect, compassion and so on.

So, I am doing away with the religious practices. I don’t go to any mass, albeit I try as best I can to manifest my spirituality through my actions towards others. Right now though, these Christian songs touched me in an oh so familiar way. My restless soul suddenly calmed down as if a storm had just stopped and everything around is quiet.

It’s a feeling I don’t want to interpret or analyze using my religious skeptic mind. I just want to savor the moment while it lasts.

I gave my hubby a huge floral bouquet

Our life can get extremely monotonous at times it feels as though we are treading a long winding tunnel with no end in sight. Whenever I feel this way, I try to think of quirky things to do that can fire up my day.

It was a chilly spring afternoon. I woke up from a nap. My then boyfriend –now my hubby—was still asleep. It wasn’t an ordinary day sucked up by monotony. Rather, it was a happy time of being reunited. However, at that moment in time I felt a tinge of melancholy because I was going to leave him in a few days’ time and go back to work in Bangkok. I couldn’t even make it to his birthday which was only two days after my departure. While I sat by the window, I gazed at him breathing calmly in deep slumber then I turned my gaze outside where the grasses and trees were beginning to enliven springtime.

I wanted to make his birthday special even without my presence but not in a typical way. Suddenly, I was struck with an idea. He would never have guessed that on his birthday, a bouquet will be delivered at his doorstep. I immediately placed my order online before he woke up.

Andddddd the big day came! We were talking on Skype. The buzzer sounded. He bid adieu thinking it was his friend Mark who came to have lunch with him. But to his surprise, it was the delivery lady handing him the sweet smelling bouquet of orange daisies, roses and lilies. He came back online right away to share with me his confused reaction which amused me to bits. He couldn’t quite find the exact words to express how it made him feel. He was of course happy but he seemed to be feeling something else that he cannot put a name on.

I guessed it was because men are not used to receiving flowers. Most men spend their lifetime never getting one. Whilst women love receiving flowers, men – those very few who experienced being given one– may just don’t know how to actually react. It was an interesting experience for me as well to find out how men are when it comes to receiving presents normally given to women.

Someday, when my day becomes another draining monotony, I would do it again. I’ll hand him the bouquet and see how he’d react myself.

What about you? What bizarre things do you do when life is a standstill?

It’s okay if all you did today was breathe

I once saw a quote that said, “it’s okay if all you did today was breathe”. I keep reminding myself of this piece of wisdom whenever I feel anxious for not being “productive”. What does it mean to be productive anyway? Ahhhh, it’s the same as asking what it means to be successful. There are no definite answers but many people struggle in going beyond what society portrays as being productive or successful.

Movies show us people juggling several things at the same time. A woman cooking and looking after the baby while talking to someone on the phone. A working lady jumping at one meeting to the other, folders in hand and a cup of coffee on the other. There are meetings over breakfast because the day is too occupied that the only time to squeeze that one meeting is during breakfast. We have been conditioned to adapt to this lifestyle to feel a sense of belongingness to the “productive” group. We are made to feel that life is wasted or that we are lazy if we are not busy.

The problem with this never ending ‘busyness’ though is that it deprives us of precious time for reflection. It’s so easy to get caught up with the habits of multitasking and feeling productive but at some point, we would realize that we are getting nowhere. Many people have reached a point of identity or emotional crises after suffering from burn-out and realizing that their constant chase for productiveness has brought them no meaning, no sense of purpose, and no clear direction for the future.

As I lie in a hammock, feeling the breeze against my cheeks and listening to the chirping birds, I thank heavens for the opportunity to be still, to breathe in life and hear my soul speak. I wish I had done this more often before. I was caught up with the overly glorified busy lifestyle that I neglected time for reflection and retrospection. I learned that such ‘busyness’ had, in fact, blurred my idealism. I began to question and got skeptical about so many things, thinking they were the problems of the world, when in fact the problem was me and my lack of direction and sense of purpose. Ticking my to-do list was not the same as having a life purpose. No matter how much I’ve accomplished in a day if I don’t spend time to reflect and redirect myself towards the right path, those daily accomplishments were nothing but futile.

The shallow sense of productiveness has resulted to plenty of outputs but most of the time has never brought quality outcomes. That’s why it felt like living in circles, doing a myriad of things day by day but never reaching a milestone. We owe it to ourselves to spend time to just slow down, to just breathe. Maybe during these moments of silence, our sense of purpose will be crystallized, our direction made clearer and our daily pursuit of productiveness will no longer be barren but full of promises and meaning.