Our child's "forest picnic" birthday celebration

This year, we were forced to stay home by the pandemic. Shaking hands and hugging are discouraged. Social distancing or rather physical distancing is encouraged. Gatherings are prohibited. And so, many of us are left celebrating at the confines of our home and not able to invite family and friends over.

Even without the pandemic though, me and my husband already knew how we will celebrate our child’s first birthday. We wanted it to be simple with just a few kids around. We wanted for him a simple, small, specifically tailored for children event where they can truly have fun while being mindful of their need for rest.

A “forest” picnic at our backyard with the sound of the chirping birds was the bes t option since we cannot yet go to the beach. We planned for an event where:

- There are no balloons because we are trying to raise an environment-conscious child. We want to normalize not having balloons in our celebrations. Even our wedding did not include balloons. Whilst we cannot fully get rid of plastics in our life, we are trying to remove the non-essential plastics especially those that can only be used once and cannot be recycled.

- We don’t buy materials that can only be used once such as tarpaulins. The ONE banner was passed on to us by a friend whose son used it for his first birthday. We were more than happy to use it for our mini-tent set up. Also, in the future if we ever buy party decorations, we will either use it on several occasions or pass them on to others to maximize its use and minimize purchases of new ones.

- The food table is low enough so that every child regardless of age can independently access the food and choose what they like without needing help from an adult. I used recycled boxes covered with old curtains as our food table because we don’t have tables low enough for the kids. The empty boxes worked well, though unfortunately I wasn’t able to take a photo of the set up.

- Various toys and books for all ages are provided so every child can freely choose what to play with or read.

- An area is available for them to lay down or rest whenever they feel tired.

- They can help in some of the preparations while exercising their creativity and having fun. I let them help in arranging the flowers that will be placed on the food table.

- The food includes healthy options presented in an appealing way. In fact, the party was so simple we only served fried chicken, pancit, cake, and fruit barbeque.

I baked our child’s sugar-free birthday cake so he can actually eat it as much as he likes. During this pandemic, I baked a lot as was everybody else I think. At first, I thought of ordering a fancy cake from an established baker but a cake can be extremely expensive, which is understandable because it takes so much time and effort to make one. I wasn’t keen on spending that much money for his birthday cake and also, we only really need a simple cake that we all can enjoy so I decided to bake it myself instead.

I also baked cake for the adults who weren’t invited because we only invited their kids. I baked 10 cakes to be given to every family and let their kids put on the icing. They had fun designing their cake as much as we had fun watching them get creative!

Our hope is for our child to grow up valuing relationships and experiences more than the glamour of an overly decorated party. This isn’t to say that throwing a huge party is wrong. I mean, why not if you have that much money. What we hope for is to normalize simple celebrations in our family, whilst also hoping others would be inspired and get the pressure of throwing huge parties off of their shoulders. I know some people who feel sad thinking they failed as parents because they cannot give their kids fancy parties and that’s what we hope to change, to assure them that whether you can afford it or not, it’s okay to celebrate as family in the simplest way possible.

Someday, maybe next year even, our child will get to have a say or decide on how he will want to celebrate his birthday. Hey may opt for a huge party or just the three of us, we’ll see. For now, we designed his first birthday celebration in such a way that he can truly enjoy his day and not get stressed out by being carried and passed on by lots of guests which is usually the case with adult-led parties. I’ve attended huge toddler parties and I noticed that some kids were forced sit on the adult’s laps for photo ops even if they were already tired or sleepy. We didn’t want that for our child. It’s his birthday so we wanted it to be relaxing and fun for him. There was no long, tiresome photo shoots which is also why we didn’t have much photos taken on that day because we were busy having fun.

Lastly, the budget that we would have spent on a huge birthday party (or his monthsary celebration) was used to renovate a former storage space into a playhouse which was actually a better way to spend because our son, and our cousins, are able to benefit from the playhouse for several years to come.

Renovating an old storage space into a playhouse

We have this space at the ground floor of our ancestral home we call “pinsa”. It was used by our grandparents in the olden days as storage space for farm harvests and farm machinery. Then it became a storage space for anything broken or empty that we cannot throw thinking they might still be of any other use. It’s a typical Filipino trait, keeping even empty jam jars or empty cookies cans.

 

After I gave birth, we decided to live at our ancestral home so we can raise our child in a rural environment, away from the noise and pollution of the city. We had our pinsa cleaned, and used it as our hangout place. We would take naps there on a hammock, or work because it’s cooler than anywhere else in the house. 

 

Then our child began to watch TV. We gave him freedom of movement, allowed him to choose his own activities, and enabled him independent play. Sadly, whenever a certain sound from the TV would capture his interest, he would stop playing and start watching. We value and protect focus and concentration so much so that whenever he is focused on something, we would wait before we talk to him. We also kept him away from gadgets so we were concerned when he started to watch TV for a longer stretch of time. We knew we had to find him another space to play away from the TV as we cannot turn it off when others are watching.

 

At first, we were hesitant to spend on the renovation of our pinsa. But then I thought, I left law school to be a stay-at-home mom so I can personally look after our child and ensure he is given lots of opportunities to independently move and explore, and be raised in a loving, gentle, respectful way so why have second thoughts on spending money to keep our child off the screen? I mean, I can earn that money again but I cannot bring back our son’s childhood. So the renovation began...

 

After over a month of work, our 40 sqm pinsa which used to be a dusty, messy, old place transformed into a beautiful playhouse. I particularly loved the combination of the modern design, and the antique wooden beams. I only see this on Pinterest before but now we are actually spending most of our time in it. Join us over at Instagram – follow @momofeverychild – if you’re interested to be part of our journey of living at an ancestral home with a mini-forest, and surrounded by lots of birds and animals, together with our Siberian husky named Skye.

 

Right now the playhouse is "Christmassy" because Christmas if my favorite time of the year. I grew up enjoying the sight of Christmas lights and Christmas decors. Sometimes, whenever I'm sad, I would think of Christmas and I'd feel better. I'm hoping our child will grow up having the same feelings about Christmas.

 

We had child-sized furniture made to ensure our child and other children can easily access the sink or get their toys. In Montessori, it's essential that toys and other materials are made accessible for children so they can choose their toys and activities themselves. When our child is of the right age and shows interest, we will put our oven there too so we can bake together. Right now our sink is still a bit high for our son. We had it made that way so he won't keep playing with water. He'll be able to comfortably use this when he's a bit older and is already able to understand that we shouldn't waste water.

We also had his table and chairs made so he can sit their comfortably. The table is low enough so children can access food themselves. When we had a small family gathering last Christmas, I was so happy to see my 2-year old cousin serving herself with food for the first time. She looked at every food on the table and helped herself to some serving of those she liked. That is the kind of independence we want our son to enjoy.

We dedicated one corner as his reading and napping nook. This is my favorite part of his playhouse because it has an outdoor view and there's a mango tree across from it where the collared kingfishers frequently hop. It's so relaxing here that the adults decided to put up not one but two hammocks!  

The playhouse has a toilet with a child-sized furniture and tiny toilet bowl. We had the floor designed this way so it won’t be slippery for children. And it’s got a nice outdoor view for the adults to enjoy too. 

 

We also bought child-sized house stuff like this broom that only cost P25, garden tools and others. These are easy to use independently by our child without frustration because they're small. We are still on the lookout for other child-sized materials so will be happy to get any recommendations.

I bought most of the stuff in our playhouse from Shopee. Send me a message over at Instagram @momofeverychild if you want to know the seller of a particular item. We are also on Facebook at Mom of Every Child where I share parenting, family, relationships, mindfulness, healthy living and other interesting articles. And if you're interested to see how our pinsa looked before we renovated it, I'll be posting its gradual transformation at our Youtube Channel once I'm done editing because I'm only really able to work when my child is asleep, so please bear with this momma.

Our "playhouse veranda" is not yet done so it's not pictured. Also, my husband and siblings like to hangout and work here too so I dumped their stuff at one corner (not pictured). This playhouse has much more space once those are done and the stuff organized.

Birding: My Quarantine Hobby

The novel coronavirus caught us all off guard. All of a sudden, we found ourselves locked up in our homes for months. I feel for those who live in the middle of mega cities, in small condo units or apartments with no access to nature for some “unwinding time”. Fortunately for me, I live in our ancestral home in a rural area surrounded by trees it feels as though we live in the midst of a mini-forest.

At the onset of this pandemic, I found myself often anxious. I kept reading the news and checking the number of cases. I constantly worry for my son because he is still very young, his regular vaccines are not even completed yet. I knew I needed to rise above my paranoia because I have to protect my son’s psyche and me being in that state will negatively affect him too. Children can absorb our energies. 

So, I found solace in birding.

We have lots of birds around. Listening to them has been a part of all my waking hours. Last April though I began to seriously pay them the attention they deserved. Inspired by someone I follow on Instagram, I started birding using my DSLR camera. We’d often go for an afternoon walk with our son anyway so I asked hubby to look after our son while I excitedly look for and chase birds. They are everywhere! In fact, they are regular guests of the pomelo tree across my working table so I would place the camera on that table for easy grab in case there are birds I’d want to look at closely. 

I found that birding, looking at birds very closely through a binocular or in my case a DSLR camera, is a totally different experience than just watching them with our naked eye. I saw a collared kingfisher hop on a mango tree and found nothing special about it until I looked at it through my camera and saw its magnificent dark blue feathers, its huge beak, its overall grandeur. And it’s beautiful! Another yellow bird I have yet to know the name looks so tiny but when I saw it through my camera, I found that the black feathers on its neck would actually glisten and turns blue when it moves. Watching it makes me extra giddy! 

I also discovered that the Asian Glossy Starling have red eyes! I didn’t know it before I used my camera. It looks so pretty with its black feathers accented by its red eyes. They’d usually hop high up on the coconut tree so until now I have not taken a good shot of them with the limited reach of my camera lens. 

“Birding made me live in the present moment.”

Aside from getting to see the details of the birds’ physical appearance, I gained lots of benefits from birding. In searching for birds, I became more attuned with the present moment. The usual clutters of my mind would tend to disappear because I would focus on listening intently for any sign that there is one nearby. It also enabled me to move more. Our usual walk is short but if I’m birding, I tend to walk much farther and much longer, sometimes until twilight.  

“Birding is meditative.”

Birding brought me a different kind of joy. It’s meditative in a sense that my eyes and ears are focused on finding them instead of my mind just drifting away at times, unconscious of the sight and sound around. As a result, I became more relaxed afterwards. 

It is such a privilege for me to have this kind of environment and activity at a time when the uncertainties and fears brought by this pandemic tend to paralyze us.

Wherever you are right now, I hope you are finding hobbies and activities that can divert your mind from this predicament that we are all in. For some, it can be extremely challenging to stay positive but now more than ever we need to protect our mental health. 

May we find joy in the tiniest of blessings and the simplest of things.

The 3-year old 3km marathon runner

Last week we organized a marathon, a fundraising activity to support those who will be taking the November bar exams from our school. The month-long preparations felt like a marathon in itself, especially for students who were actively working on this event while juggling it with their day job and law studies.

On the day of the race, we had to be at the venue by 3:30AM, never mind that we went home at almost midnight to ensure everything was in order. Like any event, there were lapses and confusions with some participants ended up arguing with our secretariat head. It was all too overwhelming for our tired and exhausted heads.

Then came this teeny tiny little 3-year old, wearing the tiniest shirt with the race bib almost occupying her entire upper body. She was all smiles as she approached the finish line, no trace of physical exhaustion. At first I thought she was only made to run from a few meters away. Perhaps when her mom –I assumed the lady who ran by her side was her mom but I don’t know for sure – was about to reach the finish line, they had the three-year old girl ran with her. But I was told the little girl did run for the entire 3 kilometres! And she was not the last to arrive either. I was stunned.
 

I could not stop looking at and admiring her. When the adults reached the finish line, you could see their tired faces despite their smiles of success. But the little girl, that cute innocent soul just kept smiling with a smile that has no trace of regrets, of that ‘why am I doing this to myself but I love it at the same time’ kind of face. It got me thinking, why is running something burdensome for some adults but for children it is pure fun? Really, what is wrong with us lazy adults? And she kept running around the plaza still, even after we’ve finished awarding the prizes, where she got the Youngest Runner Award.

I can’t help but wish I had her spirit. If we were not the organizer, I would have ran myself but I was sure along the way I would also keep cursing myself for imposing that challenge until I reach the finish line where I can forget all about the pain and just relish success. But still, along the way, I knew I would have complained and regretted and felt bad like I most often do when faced with difficult tasks, even if at the back of my head I am loving the challenge.

That little girl reminded me to just enjoy despite any discomfort, to think of it as play, to have a mindset that looks at the fun, good side of it all instead of dwelling on which part is uncomfortable. I have been planning to run for a long long time but never quite found the will to do it. Thanks to this little girl, my mindset is changing. But yeah, it takes a 3-year old to slap me on the face and make me realize how lazy I had become not only in running on a marathon but most importantly in running for my life goals.

Surviving my ‘no soft drinks for a year’ challenge

I love soft drinks. When I was living abroad, not a day would go by without me having a glass. In fact, I would usually have a can of coke during lunch and dinner; none in the morning because I don’t eat breakfast most of the time. I used to think that I will never survive without them. My soft drinks intake was only curbed when I was studying in Australia during winter that I would prefer hot beverages.

When I came back to the Philippines, I would find myself always craving for cold soft drinks because of the warm weather making me constantly in need of refreshments. I am fully aware though that it has absolutely no health benefits. On the contrary, it will only wreak havoc on our health. Still, how can we ever resist?

This year though, I finally vowed never to drink a single drop of soft drinks for the entire year. I was hoping that if I could do it for a year, maybe — just maybe, I could do it forever. That was one of my New Year’s resolutions and the only one I was able to keep, unfortunately. Looking back, I would never have imagined myself resisting the urge for almost 8 months but I did! I am pretty proud of myself for having had the strength to say no to an extremely cold glass of coke on a hot summer day at the beach after eating too much meat. Can you?

How I managed to keep up with the challenge
I don’t really have any brilliant strategy to share though; nothing extraordinary. Making the commitment was the first step. It was my commitment that served as the pillar of this self-imposed rule. Then I took the challenge on a daily basis, telling myself ‘not today’. I found it extremely difficult during summer when it was too warm and I craved for that all too familiar refreshing comfort from a cold can of soda. But every time I am tempted, I would gently remind myself that I did not go this far for nothing and that my commitment is stronger than the damaging temptation. It also helped that I told people I was on this challenge because it held me even more accountable. Before I knew it, days turned into weeks and weeks into months and now I am almost 8 months into the challenge. Yes, 8 months without a single glass of any soft drinks. Instead, I settled with cold water or fruit juice.

Inspiration from a book
There’s this book that I read every year. I wrote about it here. In the book, there is a fable about a Sumo wrestler wearing nothing but a pink wire cable covering his private parts. The pink cable represents the power of self-control and discipline. Alone, each tiny wire that makes up the cable is flimsy and weak. “But, together, their sum is much greater than their constituent parts and the cable becomes tougher than iron. Self-control and willpower are similar to this. To build a will of iron, it is essential to take small, tiny acts in tribute to the virtue of personal discipline. Routinely performed, the little acts pile one on top of another to eventually produce an abundance of inner strength.”

Every time I am tempted to have soft drinks, I would remind myself of this lesson from the book. I am hoping that these tiny steps at discipline will strengthen my grit and enable me to make other greater personal commitments that I can keep. As the book says, “When you continually practice the ancient art of self-government, there will be no hurdle too high for you to overcome, no challenge too tough for you to surmount and no crisis too hot for you to cool down. Self-discipline will provide you with the mental reserves required to persevere when life throws you one of its little curves.”

Buy your copy of the book here!

How thirsty is your food?

My husband Omar Piamonte Jayag, an agricultural and water resources engineer, took a break from preparing his 3-hour presentation for an environmental resources management seminar to be attended by over 200 participants and asked me this question, “how much water do you use everyday?” It seemed to be an easy question to answer. I estimated about 3 buckets of water for shower in the morning and wash up in the evening, 2 liters to drink including juice, tea or coffee, maybe another bucket or two for all the dirty jobs in the toilet, a few liters for cooking meals, another couple of buckets for washing the clothes and dishes. Basically, I mentioned the obvious water necessities which literally require me to use water directly. However, I cannot be more wrong.

Omar then introduced to me the concept of water footprint. Unfortunately, despite my desire to live an environment conscious lifestyle, it is rather a shame that I have heard of this for the first time. Water footprint covers not only the water we use directly everyday but also those that were used in making our food or the products we use. For example, a slice of bread requires 10 gallons of water; that is the total amount of water needed for growing the wheat and sugarcane, raising chicken for the eggs, manufacturing the flour and sugar up to the baking process of the bread. That is a lot of water for a single slice of bread! In the Philippines, every person uses an average of 3,800 liters of water daily.

There are several data available online that shows how much water is needed in producing our food and basic necessities such as these infographics. Aside from our own, we also have to consider the water footprints of various sectors such as the industrial, medical, tourism, education among others to deepen our appreciation of how reliant we are to water.

Photo from www.wwfindia.org

 

Photo from www.1millionwomen.com.au

 

Photo from www.circleofblue.org

Photo from https://foodtechconnect.com

Unfortunately, according to the World Water Assessment Programme 97.5% of the earth’s water are salty and only 2.5% are fresh water. Of these 2.5% fresh water, 68.1% are in glacial form, 30.1% are ground water and only 1.2% are surface water where most of the water we use are sourced. What is more disheartening is that according to Omar not all of the available 1.2% surface water are safe to use at present because several rivers and lakes are already gravely polluted.

We are currently facing a water crisis with billions of people not having access to safe drinking water and a quarter of the world’s population face water shortages. In the Philippines despite the existence of several rivers, lakes and other surface water sources, majority of the population still face water shortages with several barangays frequently experiencing water supply interruptions during the day. Families are left to make do with what little water they can gather early in the morning with containers and wait until evening when water supply can run through their faucets again.

There is an urgent need to conserve water. Whilst experts in the field such as my husband are working hard to provide people with sufficient and safe water supply, we have a crucial role to play in water conservation. We need to be mindful of our lifestyle and reduce our water footprint because the agriculture sector uses up to 70% of the global water supply. Our food are extremely thirsty and we need to ensure they get enough water otherwise we will not only get thirsty ourselves, we will also run out of food to eat. Indeed, water is the oil of the 21st century.

Photo from www.seametrics.com

Romanticized stories

This morning I unfollowed several accounts on Instagram, mostly from travelers with well-curated photos. I love Instagram. It is one of my sanity keepers. The beautiful, creative photos give me joy, make me forget whatever negative feelings I was going through even though only momentarily sometimes. This morning though, looking at those travelers’ photos felt suffocating. The photos were oh so lovely but looking at them made me feel disconnected with reality. It made me feel like I was a recipient of a capitalist brainwashing movement about what life should be. Clicking that unfollow button gave me a breath of fresh air.

I have nothing against people who post travel photos. In fact, we have one family account where we share some of our travel photos. And I’d still like to follow travelers who have ‘authentic feeds’ or those who make me feel connected to them just by following their journey around the globe. Such kind of people are the reason why I enjoy Instagram, where I’d feel I am traveling with them, learn from their experience and where I don’t have to deal with toxic political posts. The account I unfollowed were those that by just looking at their feed you’d know they spent so much time editing the photos and that the main motive was to earn money, where it seemed like you are leafing through a magazine that earns so much from telling you what you should be doing or buying.

The internet has transformed our life in various ways. Information are now easily accessible but so as propaganda. It has become difficult to identify truth from lies. Friends or family gathered together where each one is on their mobile phone has become a normal scenario. Each day we receive an influx of information that at the end of the day some of us may feel mentally exhausted but our knowledge bank is left empty.

And then there are these so-called ‘successful people’ who have interesting stories to tell. There is this single mom who left a lucrative corporate job to pursue a different career she is passionate about, there’s that dude who let go of a scholarship many of us can only dream of to paint, there’s that lady who sold everything, left a promising job in fashion to travel the world. Many of us are inspired by these kinds of stories. We become empowered to also face our fears, to follow our heart to succeed. But sometimes, these stories just like the well-curated Instagram accounts are so romanticized and well-crafted we are left in awe with the best part, the tip of the iceberg but in truth much of the not-so-pretty details are left untold.

That lady who is living a nomadic life is telling us we should leave everything behind and follow our desire to travel without telling us how to save for our retirement because hers is already secured by millions of inheritance from her parents. That single mom is telling us to leave a good corporate career path to follow our passion because if she can do it while raising her child alone then by all means we can too! What she failed to tell us is that she has a wide network and connections gathered from years of work at the corporate sector which helped her navigate her new career path, something many of us don’t have. That dude who left a promising life in the academe to pursue his passion in art is telling us that not all that glistens is gold, that we should always follow our heart but failed to tell us that while he can use that angle to create his brand and glorify his profile, we don’t have the same support system, skills and connections that he has to succeed if we opt to let go of once in a lifetime opportunities.

Stories carry the soul and legacy of every generation to the other. Stories help us endure the most difficult of times. Stories are inspiring, empowering, provoking. As they say, ‘a pen is mightier than a sword’. But some stories mislead us into the wrong path. Some make us question our choices, our capacity, our life. Some stories are so romanticized they make us believe we are nothing, that we are living in mediocrity, that we are superficial because we don’t have the audacity to do great things.

What many fail to appreciate is that they are already living inside one great story that is their destiny. Their stories are full of hardships and simple triumphs but when told through the lens of a storyteller, their story of genuine love, strength and endurance would inspire a thousand others. Their stories are so authentic that they would see nothing but raw, unglamorous life. But when you ask them to tell it, only then they’d learn to see their life with new eyes, only then they’d realize that theirs is an authentic, unique story worthy to be told.

These are the stories I want to follow; stories that are not romanticized; stories that are pure and true they make me feel connected with the rest of humanity.